The Ultimate Sacrifice

The Ultimate Sacrifice

I personally have pondered what I felt and assumed to see in S8.

S8 in my humble opinion shows a deep symbolic psychological view of the brothers.

I felt that the SPN writers & directors used an old renaissance symbolic technique the „hiding in plain sight“, and only by deciphering the symbolic one could persuasive the elephant in the room.

Imo the main factor in the beginning of S8 is the perspective of the „to wish-ego-sight or high expectation“ and the human disability to admit that „what we want to see“ doesn't always correspond with the reality.

We all can relate to that kind of flaws, we all have high expectations and we are all disappointed when reality strikes back, and also to discover that are expectations are only an illusion out of our deepest core.

The way we would like the world to be.

Reality versus Wish-fulness

Like every human, the brothers are no exception.

In the first half of S8 the writers excessively exploited the perspective of the all knowing, the omnipotent viewer and the differential not mentioned expectations of Sam & Dean to each other.

And this imo is the main issue, we viewers had high expectations, they couldn't be fulfilled without destroying the fundamental bases of the flawed characters Sam & Dean. The writers in my mind knew that, and used this thematic as a tool to keep the viewers bound to there chosen beloved characters.

Both brothers have their nemesis, the deep angst of loosing each other. In almost every season the brothers witnessed the loss of a beloved one, such traumatic experience can't be flushed away. Surly they can be neglected but in the end the offensive denying of reality doesn't heal, it only turns into a devouring feeling of loosing the confidential trust in life within itself.

And that imo is what we viewers witnessed in the beginning of S8.

Even though it may seem, that Dean was capable to survive purgatory, cause of his strong will in difficult situations not to give up. We viewers only witnessed Dean's struggle to survive and his old fashion stubborn behavior to keep his „gentlemen“ agreements with all consequences.

But what we haven't witnessed, was the deep insight of Dean, his deep thoughts were kept veiled only his plain reaction to this brutal environment were observed. Hence accusing Dean to be an egoist is imo trivial.

We viewers can only assume Deans thoughts and dreams. In the end that is all what we spectators know, the rest was left to our own imagination, are personal expectations.

Even though some viewers judge Dean to be harsh with his little brother, yet aren't „parents“ sometimes harsh with their children?

And that is what Dean represents.

Since Dean was four years old he was always the ultimate caretaker of Sam. The day their mother died, Dean was dramatically forced into a role he never choose. A young boy holding his little brother trying to comfort him, but already knowing that his life would never be the same. He was now in charge, however to young to know why.

Sam is Dean's bound to sanity, without his little brother, Dean would have already been dead. Not because he is seeking death, but because he needs Sam as a token for the lost fore-time and to except the brutal change in their childhood, a constant sadly reminder for what has been and never will be.

Hence his commitment to protect and keep Sam out of harms way, keeps him going. Sam is Deans holy grail. Therefore to say Dean doesn't value his own life is a very egoistic and self projected sight to a phenomenon that has been lost in our days, a biblical value to serve your family in a humble way.

As we all know Sam is Deans family.

That is what contradicts, on the one side we have a strong principle-minded and focused Person, but on the other side a protecting, humble, caring and old fashioned young man.

Surely one could mention that Dean is grumpy to Kevin and Garth, but I think deep in his heart he appreciates their doing, but to admit that they are friends could bear the angst of loosing them.

With Sam, in the end of S7 the viewer observed the total climax of the brothers nightmare, to suffer the loss of one of each other.

Crowley to Sam „It looks like you are well and truley on your own.“

Truley on your own...

Sams fragile world literally exploded when the Leviathan blew up. The worse case scenario happend to Sam. Dean, Sams guiding figure throughout his entire life vanished in total nothingness.

No time to prepare, to time to plan and no time to evaluate.

The only way for Sam imo to survive this immense loss was to flee from reality. And therefore accepting the total annihilation of hope.

Cause „looking & hunting“ for Dean, would imply the deep profoundly hope that his brother is still alive. But how can someone believe in hope when there is no hope no more.

What is lost can never be found, even in this highly supernatural world the boundary between the dead and the living came at this point to its end. At least for Sam.

In depressing moments people do not act rational, they only react without thought, they function in world to which they lost connection.

In „Goodby Stranger“ Meg asks Sam what happened, she was with Lucifer the only one in SPN Universe that really knew how Sam feels and what his deepest thoughts are about. Therefore it was quite interesting, that she was more interested about the dog. Imo the dog is the indicator that stopped Sam from running but it didn't stop him fleeing from reality. He did what he always did, saving, cause deep in his heart he believes that saving the world could save him.

And that is why the relationship with Amelia didn't feel right, it couldn't, cause there was no hope only the pure grief over their lost ones.

Two drowning Humans, holding tightly to each other in an abyss of sadness.

Sadness on both sides was the fundamental in this relationship, not love. We viewers felt from the beginning that this relationship was to be condemned to failure, cause it was only a make believe of two people trying to survive their internal brokenness in an illusion far from reality.

Even after the intimate scenes between Amelia and Sam, there was only gloom. No moment of happines that two people would share after a profound exchange on intimacy.

It felt hollow.

Just think about the soulless Sam scene with the „fancy women“, wow now that was hot, the viewer could imagine what was going on before .

But here only emptiness, an illusion.

I don't know if the writers deliberately choose „Kermit / Texas“, but the meaning of Kermit is „free man“. Weird cause superficially it seems as if Sam and Amelia were free to start a new life with each other, but in reality both were captives of their aggrieving memories, hence never free.

When Amelias husband came back, Sam knew that he had to go, cause now she wasn't lost anymore, there was no grief to share. Nothing in common anymore, Don was for Amelia what the pigeon for Noah was, a symbol of hope, an end of despair. She had now something what Sam in his darkness didn't feel to have, she had the possibility to build a future on the fundamental of hope.

Lost in grief and melancholy, Sam moves backwards into a place of lost memories Rufus cabin. A sacred place full of memento mori. A haven for the lost but not forgotten, once a safe place that beard the sound of laughter and moments of hope... saving the world. Now a shadow of one's former self. One could assume a sanctuary. A place for the dead, the right place to leave the world to say good bye...

The chosen symbolism in the flashbacks say more than one could imagine. The gray haze colored purgatory, showing Dean who once favored black & white, now learns that monsters are not always that what they seem. But also a place where you can kill without remorse, a killing-field were also human believes can turn into monsters.

Than in the end, to survive, one has to become a monster. Somewhat that Dean feared the most, became his reality. And sadly enough Dean reacted definite for what he was trained for, to kill. A soldier in line of duty, humanity lost. Nothing to gain or to lose, only pure instincts are of value.

Even though it seemed that one could clearly see through the gray mist, yet the haze exhibited the pure action and distress of the moment but also layed a veil over the senses. And that is imo the true acceptation of mist, the eye can only see what appears in direct motion, everything else is hidden.

Sams flashback are the total opposite, they seemed bright and beautiful, Disney like style but odd. Odd in the sense of artificial. It didn't feel real, like a wish believe or glorified memory. Item the hazed sun bright colors, veiled the forsaking.

Sam has now what he always utterly wanted.

A normal apple-pie life, a life he yearned for since Jesses brutal death, a life he ordered Dean before he went to his rendezvous with hell. His ultimate goal, his secretly kept desire. Only to find out that it has a hollow aftertaste. That panic of lostness still arises, when he can't see his allegedly beloved one. Despite the sun, the shadows of sorriness lurked all-were.

An illusion, a mortal cold lie to stay alive, encased in warm color bitter sweetness.

Now the moment Dean arrived, when he managed to break out of purgatory and slip into reality, only to find a in his opinion a reserved Sam. A brother that seemly managed life without his über-caretaking brother. No need for him.

Dean was probably yearning for this brotherly moment.

In the gray sight of purgatory Dean's raison d'être to stay alive in the cold nights were presumably the thoughts of his brother hunting and looking for him, cause in the end that is what he would have done. The soldier always on duty.

Solely to seek that his brother hadn't fulfilled any of his pretended expectations.

Calm seeping rage is the only thing he supposedly can feel. Sam's breach of his, Deans personal oath, his legacy „saving people, hunting things, family business“ characters the total sustain loss of familiarity.

Without knowing Sam committed in Deans eyes the worst betrayal of confidence. And there is only one option according to Dean that could evoke such behavior... a girl.

Can we, the viewer blame him for such biased contemplation?

I don't think so, cause the flashbacks gave us the opportunity to gain an insight in Deans battle to survive. 365 Days ultimativ tension, getting used to the idea not to out live the purgatory, yet to face the situation that without fighting he couldn't even survive one day.

No time for surrender. No time for sentiments in a place without time.

And Sam seeing his brother alive, not knowing what to believe. Shock and awe.

Sam the profound thinker, lost again, torn apart by inner turmoil.

By noticing how careworn his brother appears, to hear that the one he mourned for a year has spend the time in a never-ending battlefield, must be breath taking. Sams only conclusion is the ultimate inner retreat. Then how could you compare bloody purgatory with the darkness being lost in total forlornness. You can't, it would seem inconsequential.

The soldier, über-caretaker Dean is not interested in sentiments, can't understand the meaning of being dead, the loss of empathy over the year in purgatory makes him unresponsive for Sams total lostness.

Their brotherly communication is blacked out, sabotaged by the evil side effects trying to save the world from the Leviathans.

Blinded by highly doomed expectations.

Once two deeply bounded brothers, now the forsaken and the monster.

Sam the little brother, cursed by Lucifer, manipulated by the servitude of the fallen Archangel, once an abomination in the eyes of Castiel, a pawn in the celestial chess-game. Sacrificed his young and vulnerable life for humanity, yet also to show his big brother that according to his opinion, he is despite his flaws capable to cage the prime evil, only to end up as a chew-toy for Lucifer and Michael, dying as an insane in a madhouse.

His painfully gained reputation being trustworthy, lost in an moment of weakness and despair.

No rest for the wicked.... cursed for eternity.

Sam the latitudinarian, knowing that he can't fight emotional against his soldier / über-caretaker brother, just swallows his pain, like he always doe's. It is not about the lake of communication, this is a modern day fallacy, that if you talk about your feelings with your chosen companion, he or she would unterstand your motivations. It only has to do with implicit respect.

Not more or less.

In as much you respect a person with all it's flaws, you trust him deeply by your heart, and if you don't respect a person, well you don't trust him.

(definition of -respect- by „the free dictionary“: Willingness to show consideration or appreciation. / To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem. / To relate or refer to; concern.)

And here lies imo the root of all Winchester issues.

Dean is the cognitively product of his father John. A father whose beloved wife has been killed in the nursery of a 6 month old boy. Now the circumstances that John would ignore his skepticism against Sam, who has been blood feed by a demon, are extremely unlikely.

John probably loved Sam but deep in the inner core of his heart, he was afraid of this child, never knowing what this demon blood has done to his precious young child. Not knowing if this child would turn out to be a demon Manchurian candidate. He could never respect this child, but tolerate, yes that wouldn't have been an issue.

Over the years this subliminal perception transformed also Dean.

Now Dean loved his father but also his little brother. He stands right between two defining emotional main factors. These main factors imo determine subconsciously his behavior.

Yay he loves his brother to the deepest core of his heart, but buried strongly under his heart gnaws the skepticism, the same skepticism that his father over the years unknowingly shared with is unblemished son.

Therefore Dean is cautiously inconstant with Sam.

Like a Greek tragedy, the dead father echos out of the past and without being aware, determines the future.

Sam on the other hand has the intellect to differentiate, he knows about Deans issues and over the past he not only got used to them but he also surrendered. Not because he's weak or would be physically not able to fight back, nay cause he respects Dean and hence accepts his flaws.

Clearly evident, in the scenes when Dean looses the ability to argument and by beating Sam gets physical. Yet Sam mainly doesn't fight back, just accepts the beating, knowing that the hits hurt Dean emotionally more than him physically.

In the end scene „Sacrifice“, Sam's revelation mirrors his constant perpetual struggle fighting against the echos out of the past.

„You think...I can't be trusted again...“

Again...again...again...

Literally the viewer can feel, not only see in the expiration of Sams physiognomy, the repercussion hammering throughout the years into the deep by sadness darkened valley of Sams soul.

The last 6 months he had to fight constantly on two battlefields, Deans high expectation resulting from the past, the gnawing skepticism and the purgatory Dean, whoms empathy for his brother was stripped to the bones. A combat that was a priori not winnable.

Dean the soldier can not intellectually understand, that Ruby, killing Lilith, letting out Lucifer and his soulless time, was the result of a heinously plan, created by powers far beyond the human imagination a millennium years ago.

How could he, the leopard can't change his spots.

Deans strength, is his pure unquestionable belief of the free will, to sense what is right and than react. But he doesn't consider that to respond the right way, you not only have to know the truth but you have to accept yourself with all flaws. But if the truth is manipulated or veiled, and you deny the inner core of your self, who can tell in the end what is right or wrong?

...Reality versus Wish-fulness

Dean's negate of the past blinds him, forestalls him the utmost acceptance for the flaws of his brother, „...thats right Cas let me down, you let me down...goodby Sam...“(S8 Southern Comfort)

Even though the Specter possessed Dean, the rage and the keen disappointment were already lingering under the surface, waiting for the moment to burst out.

Therefor Sam is doomed, this is the one and only curse Sam presumably never can break.

The first time Sam showed that he's trustworthy was when he denied the yellow eyed demon and died.

Resurrected by Dean...

The second time Sam showed that he's trustworthy was when he mentally tossed Lucifer in the pit and died.

Resurrected by Castiel...

The third time Sam showed that he's trustworthy was when he almost died by indulging Lucifers torture, triggered by the megalomania Castiel.

Cured by the reformed, and than by Sam pardoned Castiel.

Sam: “...So? You think...I can't be trusted again...“

How long can a human withstand a lifetime battle against the Universe and the shadows echoing out of the past, until the inevitable total collapse takes place?

He can't, he will always lose, their is nothing to gain, Sam has accepted that life isn't a contest, there is no trophy after the last breath has been taken, surly Death will not hand over the first prize, life itself loses its pertinence.

Close the gates of hell and than rest for eternity...sigh no more...go to sleep...

„The dead they sleep a long, long sleep;
The dead they rest, and their rest is deep;
The dead have peace, but the living weep.“

(Samuel Hoffenstein)

In the end the brothers fight against demons, are childhood nightmares and legends, but their main struggle is fought against them selfs,...sens versus sensibility ...reality versus wish-fulness.

Our world is made of dreams and make believes.

Charlies nightmare in „Pac Man“ opens Dean's eyes, life is not about being a hero, or to clutch and carry out sacred principles.

Life is the need for each other, we only can gain life when we accept, forgive and let our inwardly demons go.

Charlie has to let go of her mother and Dean has to let lose of his über-caretaker and control obsession.

The moment at the base hospital, Dean presumably acknowledged that his attitude to be the main mover and shaker would only lead to the point were Sam would turn into a shadow of him self, an empty shell, not the brother or comrade he once was.

At this moment, Dean gains his strength back to recognize and emphasizes, that the only need his brother seeks is his big brother.

A brother that blindly trusts and respects without doubt.

The four year old brother that comforted the toddler, when the world around was burning down and the lightness of being, dissolved into smoke.

Let go....

I'm holding you little brother...