thumblr: SAFIYA I know better now.

Anonymous asked:

"...I really, really love that Sam stood up to Dean. It’s the kind of thing that just really makes me cringe and look away when I see it, especially when I usually see Dean as such a good character who has done so much for his brother." It doesn't seem (to me) that you still think Dean is a good character, or that he has done a lot for his brother, but more so that you believe he's done a lot TO his brother FOR himself.

Safiya needs to put the computer away Answer:

"Dean didn’t do it on purpose. He wasn’t looking to destroy his brother, he was looking to save the person who saved him and who has never let him down. Dean is not a bad guy. He’s a great guy. He’s a hero. He’s a saint. He made a mistake. Like Sam. I just don’t know that he understands how much of a mistake he’s made." This is the fake Amelia text post. And again, I’m just curious about what your thoughts are on the opinions you held a year ago vs. now?
Sorry this was so long! Also, I’m not putting you down if your opinions have changed, that’s only natural when we see more of the show and get a better understanding of the characters. I know my thoughts have changed a lot! :)

 Hi there!  So the short answer is that yes, my opinions have changed and shifted and that I’ve become a lot more confident in expressing them.  Funnily enough I’ve been engaged in a private discussion on twitter about when my conversational partner and I stopped viewing Dean in a sympathetic light.  I can tell you the exact moment when I stopped seeing Dean as a good guy - 9.01, when he colluded with Gadreel to deceive Sam into being possessed without his knowledge.  I’ll explain further under the cut, ‘cause it might get a little verbose. 

So when the quotes you’ve dug up - and I should probably be flattered that you took the time to go back that far in my archives? - I was newer to the fandom and I was more hesitant to express more Dean-critical statements.  As with many survivors, part of me was concerned that I might be projecting my own experiences onto what I was seeing.  I was being influenced by the other fans with whom I was interacting who were very much of the “Dean gave up everything for his little brother” opinion. 

I know better now. 

I’ve had more of an opportunity to sit down and analyze Dean’s behavior as part of a pattern.  The switching out of Amelia’s phone number in Sam’s contacts - when that quote was written, I hadn’t picked up on the prior planning on Dean’s part, but now I have.  Dean honestly went through at some point prior to “Citizen Kane” - probably prior to Sam meeting Benny - and actually made the conscious decision to change Amelia’s number in Sam’s contact information to make sure that Sam couldn’t contact Amelia if he wanted to.  That brings it from “a mistake to save Benny” as I believed it to have been at the time to a deliberate decision on Dean’s part meant to control Sam that happened to result in helping Benny, but that had nothing to do with Benny when the decision was made.  There’s a difference.  It was intended to prevent Sam from having contact with outsiders, the intent is different and that’s gross.  It’s also abusive. 

On initially watching the show, I did not want to see Dean as an abuser and like many fans I think that I made a subconscious decision to waive away his abusive tendencies.  After “I Think I’m Going To Like It Here,” that was no longer possible.  Dean committed an act of such unspeakable evil that I was unable to see him in a positive light.  In rewatching older episodes now I can see where I was simply choosing to not see his terrible behavior toward his brother. 

And before someone accuses me of “retconning” Dean in light of how he’s being portrayed now, of seeing his behavior as selfish because he’s being written as a jerk now (and I’ve been accused of this before), I’m going to point out to you that Dean himself has admitted that he did not sell his soul for Sam. He did not resurrect Sam for Sam’s sake, he did it for himself.  He did it because Dean could not live with Sam dead, in his own words.  Not because he thought Sam was particularly worthy of extended life and not because he cared how Sam would cope with the guilt he himself had experienced when John did it to him.  He got Death to retrieve Sam’s soul, but before he found out Sam was soulless he actually rejected him when he learned he was alive.  He abandoned him by the side of the road when he wouldn’t toe the line with John, he backed John in every dispute, he left Sam to twist when Lucifer came calling, he refused to deal with the consequences of the disaster that was re-inserting Sam’s soul and in fact left Sam to deal with Dean’s alcoholism and poor coping skills in season 7. These traits have always been there; fandom just waives them away when they see the One Perfect Tear.