A German SPN Fan blog
Montag, 26. Mai 2014
Sonntag, 25. Mai 2014
Tumblr: Sam "I wouldn't.."
From Tumblr
by
yaelstiel answers to a viwer
by
yaelstiel answers to a viwer
Hey Nonny, first I am sorry you feel so disappointed about that. I , however, see it differently. I’d love to explain:
First, I really trust Jeremy Carver. I do. And I know for fact he doesn’t bend to any suggestion made by the actors. but, they are working together and hearing them out and considering the way they perceive the character is important and good. (Remember Jensen’s original script in the crypt scene in 8x17? I am glad he changed it from love to need, it was really much more Dean.)
I also don’t think that the actor own the character, but I do believe he has some deeper view, I don’t have to agree, and it won’t ruin the show for me as long as he is playing good (and , they definitely are)
Now about Jared’s change, I think it was a good one. I don’t, for one second, think it erased Sam’s development.
Dean was dying in his arms, literally dying, and in the most horrible way, defeated, ridiculous, bloody. Sam needed Dean to save all his energy now.
So when Dean asks ‘what happened to you being okay with this?’ , Sam could’ve answer ‘that wasn’t what I meant back there….’ but then imagine Dean, in his last moments starting to think what Sam meant if not that? Because that was how Dean saw it, he thought ‘I wouldn’t’ means ’I wouldn’t save you if you were dying’ while we all know Sam meant ‘I wouldn’t let anyone possess you no matter what.I wouldn’t’
So at this very moment, Sam can be right and tell Dean ‘no, that wasn’t what I meant’ , and hope to god he will be able to explain that to Dean and make Dean understand he loves him and is not okay with him dying- before he is dead.
Or he can be smart, and loving, and to understand that in that moment, he knows he might not have one more second with his brother, so he says ‘I lied’ , because this is the simplest way to tell Dean ’ I love you still. I don’t want you dead’. the simplest and the one that Dean will be alive enough to hear this.
Imagine Sam starts to explain, and Dean dying in the middle of it, thinking still that Sam wouldn’t save him? that is the most horrible scene I can imagine.
So on that specific change, I love that. From the beginning and with every single ask or discussion I love it even more.
This is Sam being the loving brother he is, doing the best thing he can at this awful moment. Still Sam, still growing, still wouldn’t do the same in the same circumstances…
I hope my answer helped you understand and be less upset.
First, I really trust Jeremy Carver. I do. And I know for fact he doesn’t bend to any suggestion made by the actors. but, they are working together and hearing them out and considering the way they perceive the character is important and good. (Remember Jensen’s original script in the crypt scene in 8x17? I am glad he changed it from love to need, it was really much more Dean.)
I also don’t think that the actor own the character, but I do believe he has some deeper view, I don’t have to agree, and it won’t ruin the show for me as long as he is playing good (and , they definitely are)
Now about Jared’s change, I think it was a good one. I don’t, for one second, think it erased Sam’s development.
Dean was dying in his arms, literally dying, and in the most horrible way, defeated, ridiculous, bloody. Sam needed Dean to save all his energy now.
So when Dean asks ‘what happened to you being okay with this?’ , Sam could’ve answer ‘that wasn’t what I meant back there….’ but then imagine Dean, in his last moments starting to think what Sam meant if not that? Because that was how Dean saw it, he thought ‘I wouldn’t’ means ’I wouldn’t save you if you were dying’ while we all know Sam meant ‘I wouldn’t let anyone possess you no matter what.I wouldn’t’
So at this very moment, Sam can be right and tell Dean ‘no, that wasn’t what I meant’ , and hope to god he will be able to explain that to Dean and make Dean understand he loves him and is not okay with him dying- before he is dead.
Or he can be smart, and loving, and to understand that in that moment, he knows he might not have one more second with his brother, so he says ‘I lied’ , because this is the simplest way to tell Dean ’ I love you still. I don’t want you dead’. the simplest and the one that Dean will be alive enough to hear this.
Imagine Sam starts to explain, and Dean dying in the middle of it, thinking still that Sam wouldn’t save him? that is the most horrible scene I can imagine.
So on that specific change, I love that. From the beginning and with every single ask or discussion I love it even more.
This is Sam being the loving brother he is, doing the best thing he can at this awful moment. Still Sam, still growing, still wouldn’t do the same in the same circumstances…
I hope my answer helped you understand and be less upset.
Donnerstag, 22. Mai 2014
Tumblr: Crowley
From Tumblr
by
seewhoiam1
by
seewhoiam1
Crowley manipulating Dean
It
seems that a lot of people I follow think that Dean will remain in the
bunker and continue to interact with Sam and Cas next season even though
he is now a demon. And I don’t really see that happening?
Like it seems to me more likely that Crowley will whisk Dean away and use him as his own personal Hellhound. Dean has been shown to be especially vicious without the Mark of Cain, let alone with it. Even if we can assume that Dean is not fully demon, chances are his cruel streak and thirst for blood and death will only increase. Imagine how effective a weapon like that could be in subduing a hellish realm that had just been stirred up by a popular Knight of Hell.
Plus Crowley has been sinking his claws into Dean ever since ‘Road Trip’. He has been slowly but surely manipulating Dean into seeing things his way. He told Dean about the First Blade. He led Dean to Cain. He has been pushing Dean into accepting the Mark of Cain and growing more bloodthirsty under the guise of killing Abbadon. He is manipulating Dean like Ruby had been manipulating Sam in season four. The only differences has been that a.) Crowley is a lot more obvious about it b.) Fandom is a lot more forgiving of Dean being manipulated than they are of Sam being manipulated.
Like it seems to me more likely that Crowley will whisk Dean away and use him as his own personal Hellhound. Dean has been shown to be especially vicious without the Mark of Cain, let alone with it. Even if we can assume that Dean is not fully demon, chances are his cruel streak and thirst for blood and death will only increase. Imagine how effective a weapon like that could be in subduing a hellish realm that had just been stirred up by a popular Knight of Hell.
Plus Crowley has been sinking his claws into Dean ever since ‘Road Trip’. He has been slowly but surely manipulating Dean into seeing things his way. He told Dean about the First Blade. He led Dean to Cain. He has been pushing Dean into accepting the Mark of Cain and growing more bloodthirsty under the guise of killing Abbadon. He is manipulating Dean like Ruby had been manipulating Sam in season four. The only differences has been that a.) Crowley is a lot more obvious about it b.) Fandom is a lot more forgiving of Dean being manipulated than they are of Sam being manipulated.
Mittwoch, 21. Mai 2014
Tumblr: Sam Winchester
...but I will be in my corner waving my Sam girl flag and loving this man with all my heart!
Ok so I couldn’t decide why I overall loved this episode, well I now know.
Despite still not giving us anything like enough Sam or his POV this whole episode was in many ways a big exercise in Sam Winchester is better than you. I mean look at him, his actions and words couldn’t have been further from the train wreck that was Dean’s reaction to the demon blood. He had so many more reasons to be hurt and angry and to lash out and he didn’t, but he didn’t just roll over and let Dean walk over him either, he made it clear that his pain doesn’t just go away because Dean thinks he was right or because Dean doesn’t want to think out what he’s done. He told Dean the mark didn’t matter, that they’d deal with it later, he said the exact opposite of ‘at least he dies human’.
Could the writers have given us more? Hell yes the could, so much, I really wish we’d gotten a mirror to Dean’s monologue in AHBL2, instead of just the visual mirroring (that being said, Sam cleaned the blood off Dean’s face, just take me now!) And I could have done without ‘I lied’ (even if I don’t think he really meant it). But what they did give us painted Sam in such an unambiguously good light, it really showed how truly unconditional Sam’s love for Dean is and how undeserving Sam was of the treatment he’d received at Dean’s hands.
Now watch 99% of the fandom completely ignore all this, but I will be in my corner waving my Sam girl flag and loving this man with all my heart!
Quelle:
peanutbutterbananasandwichs / tumblr
Tumblr: "Trust Me"
What happened to you being okay with this?
I lied.
Except I didn’t. Not really.
But this is not the time to tell you what I meant beck then.
This is not the time to let you know that I said that I wouldn’t violate your body because I love you so much.
This is not the time to talk it over and explain myself.
This is the time that you need to hold on.
And for you to hold on, you need love.
I know you.
You are my brother
I love you
And I will never give your body or soul to any use. Not heaven. Not hell.
I will figure it out.
Trust me big brother
Trust me this time.
Quelle:
yaelstiel / tumblr
Tumblr: Sams reaction "You will do what I say!"
superlology:
People who think this was a lead-up to him making a deal baffle me. Those are not a “Let’s deal” face and words. Those are a “You will do what I say or you will not like the consequences” face and words.
Review from SPN 9x23 "Do You Believe In Miracles"
"Do You Believe In Miracles"
http://www.spoilertv.com/2014/05/supernatural-923-do-you-believe-in.html
Kartarzyna Skop:
"I loved this episode, tbh. I loved that it was a rather quiet episode, 'expected' as Crowley puts it. I believe that it's all a set-up to break the cycle and the patterns. The whole episode seemed to me about doing what's expected and necessary: Dean with the blade and Crowley, Sam (still pissed and upset, we do see that in his emotions) claiming that Gadreel was one of their 'real friends' because they NEEDED Gadreel to help them defeat Metatron, and Sam needed Dean to stand down from his quest of killing Gadreel (a quest fueled by the influence of the MoC); Cas, staying in Heaven to make sure Metatron was properly disposed of, something that Dean would have wanted (I think it was implied that Cas wouldn't have enough power to bring Dean back to life - he didn't know Dean wasn't dead YET - and so he decided to go with the second-best thing he could do for Dean, make sure the douchebag was dealt with). It was all a beautiful clash between easily-expected familiarity and something new, unknown.
I also loved Metatron - I've loved him ever since he first appeared, an over-eager douchebag with a god complex, the Bad Writer figure (to Chuck's Good Writer), who thinks he can control his script and who thinks the universe is just one big story.
And Crowley, DAMN, I loved how Crowley managed to place himself as the helpful frenemy this season. And how beautifully lies with the truth. I'll eat my hat if he doesn't turn out to be a fallen angel, lots of things seem to point that way.
And then the ending. I've been quite vocal here about my deep desire to see Dean as the Big Bad next season, but I didn't believe that they'd actually DO IT. Demon!Dean is a fantastic concept that I can't wait to see them explore. I think the air of expected and familiar in this episode served as a contrast to how the situation truly changed, it was supposed to make the characters think that they can just recycle old tactics, that they can fall back onto a tried plan, that they can just try again. And they CAN'T, even though they might think they can, because something fundamental has changed. As for WHY Dean became a demon - Cain said that he saw Dean as a kindred spirit, and I took that to mean that there was always a possibility of darkness within them. And the Mark exploited that, the Mark corrupted a soul; so it didn't matter how Cain or Dean died, what mattered is that they died thinking they did it on their terms, and that the Mark brought them back corrupted.
So, I wanted Dean to be the next Big Bad and it seems I might have got my wish. I hope we'll see him work for Crowley in Season 10, or even with the leftovers of Abaddon's minions against Crowley. (Shh, I want demon!Dean to kill Crowley and become the new King of Hell.) I want to see a whole new side to being a demon. I even want some shenanigans in which Dean accidentally gets stuck in a devil's trap. And I want to see Sam and Castiel race to find a way to save Dean.
Damn, Season 10 might prove to be my favourite yet."
Aline:
"The scenes with Gadreel, especially the ones in the prison, were by far and away the best in the episode. His fear of being back in prison, his nobility at the end, and the desire that his name be thought of well when he passed away had far more emotional resonance than anything between Sam and Dean.
The ending was predictable. It was coming since we first heard about the MoC, especially then when they rewrote the bible to make it that Cain's actions were self-sacrifical and noble (!)
I'm not surprised Dean didn't explain himself. Dictator, remember? Dictators don't explain themselves to their subjects. This is why his 'I'm proud of us' was meaningless to me. It attempts to wipe out everything that we saw on screen before it, when it was anything but 'us'. It was essentially a repeat of the speech in Sacrifice, when the big speech at the end was to negate all the nastiness spat before that. It didn't work for me then and it doesn't work for me now.
I'm glad that Sam stood up for Gadreel, and also that he reminded Dean of the role that he played in that. Dean can't keep passing the buck onto others.However, I doubt it we'll see it because it will be lost in the newer, shinier storyline of Demon Dean.
In relation to the video going viral amongst the homeless community, everyone has some sort of smartphone these days! It's also possible the angel who recognised Marve was a plant.
I'm with you in that this is the first season where I'm like 'Meh' for next season. It has almost come as a relief because the season, as a whole, was one I found to be a bit of a letdown."
ViKi:
"Crowley didn't cast any spell on Dean. The mark bringed him back, as a demon because the mark itself was the work of Lucifer, who wanted Cain as a demon. And yes, he fought against becoming a demon before in hell and now fought against the mark. He lost, that's all. Sam will save him, because that's what they do... And I really don't get all this hate to the writers, as if there was a war between them and the fans..."
Dienstag, 20. Mai 2014
Tumblr: Unhealthy Obsession
the sam winchester meme ♕ sam!centric aus [1/2] ; an escaped convict develops an unhealthy obsession with law student, sam winchester, and sam fights for control over his life as he tries to put the criminal back in prison
Tumblr Gedankenspiele: Sam Winchesters Eyes
Sam Winchesters Eyes
sillierthanasillylaugh:
What’s interesting about this is that this means Gadreel thinks Sam, whom he knows everything about, is a person of trustworthy judgementsoul-whisperer-sam:
That’s so true. You can tell that he has a high opinion of Sam, which is soooo weird to think about. That he, in effect, believes Cas to be a man of honor simply because Sam believes him to be one. If you take that to the obvious conclusion….Gadreel believes Sam to be a man of honor? Having been inside his head, knowing all he knows to the point where he believably pretended to be him….
Gadreel, weirdly enough, is a Sam fan?
Obviously, he sees himself in Sam. Letting Lucifer into the world, locked in a cage for an untold amount of time….
And Sam, though he was hurt by this angel, is able to think about his motives when talking to Cas. He’s able to explain that he thinks Gadreel feels misunderstood. Because villains think they’re the heroes of their stories.
Sam is amazing.
Maybe Gadreel will decide to be more like Sam.
spnmonster:
Here’s a thought. As Cas has demonstrated on multiple occasions, angels don’t really understand human motivation or emotion, but Gadreel did recognize that Sam’s mind was a mess. I don’t recall the exact words he used to Metatron, but he expressed that Sam was miserable. He’s also protested that he loves humanity. What if he felt he was doing Sam a favor by locking him in that loop in his own head? He had Sam doing something he enjoys — researching, and he was safe at the bunker with Dean.
As observers, we see it as a horrible thing to do to someone — denying their bodily autonomy and denying them free will — but to an angel, maybe that seems merciful when the person is so filled with pain and self-loathing that they think their life is a curse and the world would be better off with them dead. Maybe what he gave Sam was a tiny slice of his heaven in another example of intent not matching result.
Montag, 19. Mai 2014
kiritsune: Why I love Sam Winchester
From Tumblr
By
http://kiritsune.tumblr.com/post/45889111864/why-i-love-sam-winchester
By
http://kiritsune.tumblr.com/post/45889111864/why-i-love-sam-winchester
Why I love Sam Winchester
He’s strong, selfless, and a fighter. Tonight’s episode showed that too. But he’s also broken.
First of all, he fights on even when everyone has given up or it seems hopeless. He has even said (this season) that he sees an ending to the trials. He sees a silver lining even when Dean doesn’t. Sam hasn’t given up and he never will.
Swan Song is a perfect example of his selflessness. He was willing to give himself up and DIE for it all to be over. The thought of saying yes to Lucifer would have horrified him earlier, but at that time he knew what he had to do. He WANTED to end it.
The most amazing part about him is how he’s broken but he fights on. He puts others before himself even when he is struggling. He’s so focused on making things right. Looking back, he knows the demon blood was wrong, but at the time he thought it was right.
He’s the sweet little brother who would do anything for Dean.
To be perfectly honest I don’t know how to put my love of Sam into words. He tries so hard to make everything right. And he always puts others before himself. That in itself is both sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.
Sam Winchester holds my heart.
moses-and-angel-wings: I just really appreciate Sam Winchester’s character.
From Tumblr
By
moses-and-angel-wings
Although he eventually did follow their plans for him, it was on his own terms and because he knew it was necessary in order for him to have even the slightest chance of saving people’s lives.
And that’s the thing: Sam will always try to save another before himself. To not help others has never once crossed his mind, at least when he was still innately him. He’s been pulling people out of burning buildings since he was 12, and even when he was deteriorating and dying, unable to concentrate with Lucifer hanging over his shoulder, he still overlooked his own problems to help another, saying, “Other people have it worse.”
During his demon blood addiction, it originally started out as a way to save people. Sam had been smothered his whole life by his father, but mostly by his brother. Dean was his protector, whether he admitted it or not, so when he was gone, he didn’t know how to act anymore. He didn’t know how to be a hunter without his older brother having his back, so he turned to the one person who could stay by his side that he even slightly trusted: Ruby. He even originally turned away her offer because he didn’t want to drink her blood, but eventually did because he saw it as necessary. And then by the time he was able to see Ruby for her manipulations, he was so neck-deep in his addiction that he couldn’t stop without going through the pain of withdrawal.
With all the mistakes he made, Sam always sought to fix them, even when others thought it impossible. He was always the Boy Who Had Faith, whether it was God, angels, or more importantly, Dean, all of whom either never had or lost their faith in him. He always tries to see the good in others, even if it isn’t there, because otherwise life wouldn’t be worth living.
Sam always tries, no matter what. He is a hero. More importantly, he is my hero. I live a Sam appreciation life and I’m proud
By
moses-and-angel-wings
I just really appreciate Sam Winchester’s character.
From the moment he was born, Sam was destined to fall and destroy the world. Even before then, other forces were already starting to pull the strings towards his destiny. Even then, Sam always fought tooth and nail for a better life that wasn’t chosen for him by someone else. First, it was his father and him having his sons be hunters too to avenge a mother he never knew but always felt the influence of. Then, it was Ruby, Lucifer, the angels, and every other creature that sought to make him eventually say yes to Lucifer.Although he eventually did follow their plans for him, it was on his own terms and because he knew it was necessary in order for him to have even the slightest chance of saving people’s lives.
And that’s the thing: Sam will always try to save another before himself. To not help others has never once crossed his mind, at least when he was still innately him. He’s been pulling people out of burning buildings since he was 12, and even when he was deteriorating and dying, unable to concentrate with Lucifer hanging over his shoulder, he still overlooked his own problems to help another, saying, “Other people have it worse.”
During his demon blood addiction, it originally started out as a way to save people. Sam had been smothered his whole life by his father, but mostly by his brother. Dean was his protector, whether he admitted it or not, so when he was gone, he didn’t know how to act anymore. He didn’t know how to be a hunter without his older brother having his back, so he turned to the one person who could stay by his side that he even slightly trusted: Ruby. He even originally turned away her offer because he didn’t want to drink her blood, but eventually did because he saw it as necessary. And then by the time he was able to see Ruby for her manipulations, he was so neck-deep in his addiction that he couldn’t stop without going through the pain of withdrawal.
With all the mistakes he made, Sam always sought to fix them, even when others thought it impossible. He was always the Boy Who Had Faith, whether it was God, angels, or more importantly, Dean, all of whom either never had or lost their faith in him. He always tries to see the good in others, even if it isn’t there, because otherwise life wouldn’t be worth living.
Sam always tries, no matter what. He is a hero. More importantly, he is my hero. I live a Sam appreciation life and I’m proud
helloitswillis:In season 4 I guess I wasn’t supposed to like Sam but his struggle just brought me closer
From Tumbler
By
http://helloitswillis.tumblr.com/post/86025938755/in-season-4-i-guess-i-wasnt-supposed-to-like-sam
That’s the thing, though. I mean, it’s scary the first time, cause you’re like, wait, what?! But…in the end, his only problem was sometimes he got a little too sure of what he was doing, sometimes he got a little too prideful. What he was choosing was actually noble, what he was trying to do was healthy, and awesome, and worth celebrating. Dean trusted Ruby’s intel as much as Sam did when it came to the final seal.
Sam was loving and kind and accepting to Dean about his experience in Hell and the things he did and the fact he broke the first seal. Sam hit Dean only after his brother who had threatened to kill him for being a monster told him he was a monster. And when he was hyped up and had his hands around his throat, he still stopped.
This is a great gif choice because this episode lays out for everyone Sam’s motivations. He says he’s not drinking it for kicks but to get stronger. He’d needed to be stronger, when Dean left him all alone. Dean couldn’t even take a day with Sam being dead. Sam had to endure 4 months after already enduring 6 months in which the way he behaved ended up scaring him later. He was following vengeance until he met with his hallucination of Mary.
We have the side of him so ready to be a good, self-sufficient hunter because he’d had to be when Dean was gone. I mean, don’t forget, he hadn’t had control of their relationship the way Dean had, so, it had to be kind of jarring. Even when Dean got back, he tossed Sam’s one alteration to the Impala into the back, calling it “douching her up”. It was Sam’s car, but even then, Dean wanted complete control. When alone, he felt he no longer had the luxury of questioning kills so readily or being so uncomfortable with killing. Dean looked weak in comparison when the angels were backing him as savior of the world or whatever.
We have the side of him that’s ashamed and grieving Jess’s loss and Dean’s loss and the loss of his future because, honestly, deep down, he still just wants to be someone who doesn’t kill things regularly. We have the side of him wanting to save people from demons. Demons have fucked around with him inside old teachers, his prom date, and even his own body. A demon killed his brother. This is an important and, actually, healthy goal, trying to stamp out demons without using the knife, because it protects the people being possessed.
We have the side of him who needed a friend and he found it in Ruby. She kept him alive and he repaid the favor and they made a good team. She was manipulating him about what would happen when he killed Lilith, but they did make a good team, and she did lend an ear and she did care about his well-being and his future. We have the side of him so willing to sacrifice everything, just, everything, that he actually gives up the most important thing to him. He gives up his relationship with Dean. He still gets shit for this, but he was doing it to save the world, because Dean wouldn’t work with Ruby, because Dean told him not to come back.
And then we have this beautiful moment where he meets his mom as a hallucination. He expects her to tear him a new one, or to lay the heaviness of her heart on him about how bad he’s been, about how she’s so disappointed that he broke her heart. But she tells him he should avenge her death and make it mean something, that she’s proud of him, that he should aim for justice instead of revenge, and even that, uncharacteristically to the real Mary, Dean is weak. But she was right that Dean can never understand how strong Sam is, because Dean doesn’t want to. Even her touch is painful for him, like he’s not worthy, despite how his hallucination of her says that he is. He still feels more like Dean’s horrible comments.
His hallucination of Dean comes from some elements of reality like the rest of the hallucinations. Dean told him in “Metamorphosis” how he felt, complete with two punches, vague threats on Sam’s life, yelling, the breaking of a lamp, and Dean nearly packing up and leaving. The voicemail and hallucination were not that out of character. Dean was willing to let Sam die, just so he “stayed human”. He also was more than willing to put Sam through a deadly detox with no one to talk to. Dean and Bobby made the complete wrong call, torturing Sam rather than helping him. Absolutely torturing him, in every way possible.
In season 4, Sam says some mean things to Dean, he does some rash things, but it’s never worse than what Dean does on a regular basis and has no consequences for doing. We see his motivations lined up clearly for us, then we see the voicemail that makes sense coming from Dean, and then we see Sam get betrayed by Ruby, and it’s honestly the worst moment of Sam’s life, I believe, when Ruby reveals what she has done and Lucifer rises. I love Sam’s arc in season 4.
By
http://helloitswillis.tumblr.com/post/86025938755/in-season-4-i-guess-i-wasnt-supposed-to-like-sam
In season 4 I guess I wasn’t supposed to like Sam but his struggle just brought me closer
That’s the thing, though. I mean, it’s scary the first time, cause you’re like, wait, what?! But…in the end, his only problem was sometimes he got a little too sure of what he was doing, sometimes he got a little too prideful. What he was choosing was actually noble, what he was trying to do was healthy, and awesome, and worth celebrating. Dean trusted Ruby’s intel as much as Sam did when it came to the final seal.
Sam was loving and kind and accepting to Dean about his experience in Hell and the things he did and the fact he broke the first seal. Sam hit Dean only after his brother who had threatened to kill him for being a monster told him he was a monster. And when he was hyped up and had his hands around his throat, he still stopped.
This is a great gif choice because this episode lays out for everyone Sam’s motivations. He says he’s not drinking it for kicks but to get stronger. He’d needed to be stronger, when Dean left him all alone. Dean couldn’t even take a day with Sam being dead. Sam had to endure 4 months after already enduring 6 months in which the way he behaved ended up scaring him later. He was following vengeance until he met with his hallucination of Mary.
We have the side of him so ready to be a good, self-sufficient hunter because he’d had to be when Dean was gone. I mean, don’t forget, he hadn’t had control of their relationship the way Dean had, so, it had to be kind of jarring. Even when Dean got back, he tossed Sam’s one alteration to the Impala into the back, calling it “douching her up”. It was Sam’s car, but even then, Dean wanted complete control. When alone, he felt he no longer had the luxury of questioning kills so readily or being so uncomfortable with killing. Dean looked weak in comparison when the angels were backing him as savior of the world or whatever.
We have the side of him that’s ashamed and grieving Jess’s loss and Dean’s loss and the loss of his future because, honestly, deep down, he still just wants to be someone who doesn’t kill things regularly. We have the side of him wanting to save people from demons. Demons have fucked around with him inside old teachers, his prom date, and even his own body. A demon killed his brother. This is an important and, actually, healthy goal, trying to stamp out demons without using the knife, because it protects the people being possessed.
We have the side of him who needed a friend and he found it in Ruby. She kept him alive and he repaid the favor and they made a good team. She was manipulating him about what would happen when he killed Lilith, but they did make a good team, and she did lend an ear and she did care about his well-being and his future. We have the side of him so willing to sacrifice everything, just, everything, that he actually gives up the most important thing to him. He gives up his relationship with Dean. He still gets shit for this, but he was doing it to save the world, because Dean wouldn’t work with Ruby, because Dean told him not to come back.
And then we have this beautiful moment where he meets his mom as a hallucination. He expects her to tear him a new one, or to lay the heaviness of her heart on him about how bad he’s been, about how she’s so disappointed that he broke her heart. But she tells him he should avenge her death and make it mean something, that she’s proud of him, that he should aim for justice instead of revenge, and even that, uncharacteristically to the real Mary, Dean is weak. But she was right that Dean can never understand how strong Sam is, because Dean doesn’t want to. Even her touch is painful for him, like he’s not worthy, despite how his hallucination of her says that he is. He still feels more like Dean’s horrible comments.
His hallucination of Dean comes from some elements of reality like the rest of the hallucinations. Dean told him in “Metamorphosis” how he felt, complete with two punches, vague threats on Sam’s life, yelling, the breaking of a lamp, and Dean nearly packing up and leaving. The voicemail and hallucination were not that out of character. Dean was willing to let Sam die, just so he “stayed human”. He also was more than willing to put Sam through a deadly detox with no one to talk to. Dean and Bobby made the complete wrong call, torturing Sam rather than helping him. Absolutely torturing him, in every way possible.
In season 4, Sam says some mean things to Dean, he does some rash things, but it’s never worse than what Dean does on a regular basis and has no consequences for doing. We see his motivations lined up clearly for us, then we see the voicemail that makes sense coming from Dean, and then we see Sam get betrayed by Ruby, and it’s honestly the worst moment of Sam’s life, I believe, when Ruby reveals what she has done and Lucifer rises. I love Sam’s arc in season 4.
duct tape and safety pins
From Tumblr
By
http://idiotbrothers.tumblr.com/post/85934456321/sam-has-the-moral-high-ground-sams-always-been
Sam has the moral high ground. Sam’s always been the level-headed one, even when his arcs are typically characterized with him struggling to keep control of his body/his life against the pull of external forces that do their best to break him. Sam respects Dean to an extent that Dean definitely doesn’t reciprocate, and frequently demonstrates that respect so that it should be undeniable. Sam never talks down to Dean or undermines his fears or concerns when they’re brought into conversation.
Sam examines all aspects and possibilities of a situation, gives victims and aggressors alike the benefit of the doubt when he can, forgives most of those who have horrifically wronged him at one point or another. Sam doesn’t divide their job into “things we murder and things we don’t”; he’s always been the one to question and hesitate when it comes to making a kill or letting someone/something go. He always gives people a second chance. He doesn’t hold a grudge. He reconsiders, he absolves, he thinks before he acts. He’s the antithesis of the prototypical hunter, not quite a Man of Letters but more like they were than Dean or John could ever be.
He’s flawed and darkened by his history of catastrophic choices, but he takes full responsibility for every mistake that he made (and a generous handful of ones that he didn’t), and he’s always able to sympathize when his loved ones go down similar paths. HE’S INCREDIBLE AND LOVELY AND I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE MISTREATMENT IT’LL TAKE FOR HIM TO BUCKLE PERMANENTLY UNDER THE STRAIN
By
http://idiotbrothers.tumblr.com/post/85934456321/sam-has-the-moral-high-ground-sams-always-been
duct tape and safety pins
Sam has the moral high ground. Sam’s always been the level-headed one, even when his arcs are typically characterized with him struggling to keep control of his body/his life against the pull of external forces that do their best to break him. Sam respects Dean to an extent that Dean definitely doesn’t reciprocate, and frequently demonstrates that respect so that it should be undeniable. Sam never talks down to Dean or undermines his fears or concerns when they’re brought into conversation.
Sam examines all aspects and possibilities of a situation, gives victims and aggressors alike the benefit of the doubt when he can, forgives most of those who have horrifically wronged him at one point or another. Sam doesn’t divide their job into “things we murder and things we don’t”; he’s always been the one to question and hesitate when it comes to making a kill or letting someone/something go. He always gives people a second chance. He doesn’t hold a grudge. He reconsiders, he absolves, he thinks before he acts. He’s the antithesis of the prototypical hunter, not quite a Man of Letters but more like they were than Dean or John could ever be.
He’s flawed and darkened by his history of catastrophic choices, but he takes full responsibility for every mistake that he made (and a generous handful of ones that he didn’t), and he’s always able to sympathize when his loved ones go down similar paths. HE’S INCREDIBLE AND LOVELY AND I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE MISTREATMENT IT’LL TAKE FOR HIM TO BUCKLE PERMANENTLY UNDER THE STRAIN
Supernatural - Do You Believe in Miracles Clip
Juust by reading the comments I noticed that the majority has absoluutely noooo clue of what is goin on...
I love SPN, every season has its charme ... and I'm surprised about the stupidity of the viewers that judge bevor even seeing the episode... actually their state of mind should be diagnosed.... to bad that most of the viewers don't understand the complexity and beauty of the storytelling, because Metatron said it all... he is rewritting (SPN) history...all smart alecks are saying SPN should have ended at season 5 "the stopping of the apocalypse", and precisely that ending is being rewritten now by Metatron, and that is why he is always saying I know the end of the story, as Lucifer said "it will always end in Detroit" :)
That is why there are all those parallels,
-Season 1-5 = Dean doesn't trust Sam / Sam trusts a demon (Ruby) / Sam addicted to demon blood because it makes him strong / Sam full of guilt and so on...
-Season 9= Sam doesn't trust Dean / Dean trusts a demon (Crowley) / Dean addicted to the MoC because it gives him power / Dean full guilt and so on...
Therefor Sam & Dean are "acting" precisely the way they should, now the question will be are they going to fuck Metatrons written "destiny" or not?
To bad that the majority of the viewers don't get it... and also this debate about the SPN canon...if everything in the SPN universe is turned upside down, then that also means the SPN canon is being altered and turned upside down...
That is why Jared & Jensen said this was never shown in SPN... the SPN perception is being altered... its not Sam or Deans anymore its how Metatron sees the SPN world or wants it to be... and as we all know Metatron is a lousy awefull writter and has a very big ego problem that is why all protagonists act in a very Nietzsche way Sam is a über-Ghandy / Castiel is a über-Humanitarian and Dean a über-Punisher...they are all in there acting superior... and that is why the acting "looks & feels" artificial, because it is "ARTIFICIAL" :))
Its The World According to Metatron...
Got the picture ;-)
Donnerstag, 15. Mai 2014
Mittwoch, 14. Mai 2014
Thoughts by Kirkenovak tumblr: SPN 9x22 - why am I even disappointed?
I seldom find fans that think the way I do, therefor I appreciate it when I find someone...
Kirkenovak tumblr: SPN 9x22 - why am I even disappointed?
This episode was really upsetting to me but in
the end of the day, it simply proved I knew since episode 1 of this
season - the writers are incapable (unwilling!) to legitimately analyse
Dean’s character, let him grow or highlight and let him fix his mistakes
and they have 0 interest in ending the codependency.
Dean is not going to grow because Dean makes no mistakes. He was right when he shoved the angel in Sam and lied to him about it. He was right because he’s always right and if he’s wrong it’s because other fail or betray him.
But Kirke! - you exclaim in shock - you know he was wrong, you know what he did was awful, you know he should have never have done it, we know that you know it because you yourself said it a million times!
Did I? Probably. Because up until today I believed it.
Not anymore.
I love Sam because he’s empathic and forgiving but there’s an entire world of difference between being forgiving and being apathetic— and “apathetic” is the word I’d like to use a lot, because it perfectly sums up Sam’s character this season. I don’t know if it’s an acting choice, script that delegated Sam to the background or just Jared being fed up but Sam had been lacking his spark this season, he’s my favourite character and yet I am thoroughly BORED with him.
I loved, nay, I CHEERED when Sam didn’t just forgive Dean for violating him, that he put his foot down, demanded respect, not because I wanted to see him angry, but because he was assertive - he clearly stated what upset him, what he wanted and what he expected from Dean. (I’m going to ignore the fact that Dean didn’t listen, that’s not what it is about). That was the one and only moment this season that I felt they might be going somewhere with his character. However, since then, Sam’s been written more and more apathetic - pathetic, even - but I waited. I waited, with bated breath, for the show to show me why it’s happening. Depression? Suicidal thoughts (again)? Just an overall resignation brought by years upon years of systematic abuse? We all know Sam’s history - the very long history of possession, violence against his autonomy, people and creatures wanting to control him and his actions - and I was waiting for a pay off to this storyline, I was waiting to see the damage done and how Sam is dealing with it. But time after time I was denied it. Gadreel killing Kevin was about Dean being betrayed by him. Cas and Kevin forgave Dean without needing a second to think about it. The spa episode didn’t bring the expected revelation about ones self-worth. The confrontation between Sam and Gadreel never materialised, as it was cut short and once again steered in the direction of Dean feeling betrayed, without highlighting the fact that Dean had a hand in violating Sam.
Then, in the last episode, Sam, said that Gadreel felt misunderstood and that was exactly the moment I realised that the pay off isn’t coming, that this story is and always was that of Dean being betrayed, not that of Sam being violated. And it definitely, not for a second, was about “addressing the codependency”. This episode only confirmed it. When I realised that Sam was willing to forgive Gadreel on spot I didn’t feel gratitude that Sam is a forgiver, I felt betrayal.
Because Sam isn’t upset over Gadreel being there, he’s not scared, he’s not annoyed, he accepts his apology on the spot. Which means he really isn’t all that traumatised. Which means that this whole conflict is pointless, because Dean never “crossed the line”, he just did a stupid/shitty thing in the very long line of stupid/shitty things The Winchesters do. And that he refused to apologise? Well, welcome to Assholeville, population: Dean Winchester. He’s always been the mayor of the city, no big deal. Instead of being “assertive” and “putting his foot down” Sam should have just told him to suck it, sulk for a week, then stuff should be resolved and back to normal. I mean, Sam is not Dean, he’s not the one to hold grudges for a year.
As for Dean, he doesn’t need to grow, he has nothing to grow into, he’s the protagonist, he’s got a bigger fanbase, his mistakes are either inconsequential in the scheme of things or forgotten. The emotional pay off for what happened to Sam is not coming and I don’t think it was ever suppose to come, Sam was nothing more than a tool to get the season started and nothing more. The conflict might be resolved in Dean admitting he made a mistake and apologising but it will be equally flat and hollow as Dean’s non-apology for killing Amy (remember how that was resolved? I do. It sucked).
Dean is not going to grow because Dean makes no mistakes. He was right when he shoved the angel in Sam and lied to him about it. He was right because he’s always right and if he’s wrong it’s because other fail or betray him.
But Kirke! - you exclaim in shock - you know he was wrong, you know what he did was awful, you know he should have never have done it, we know that you know it because you yourself said it a million times!
Did I? Probably. Because up until today I believed it.
Not anymore.
I love Sam because he’s empathic and forgiving but there’s an entire world of difference between being forgiving and being apathetic— and “apathetic” is the word I’d like to use a lot, because it perfectly sums up Sam’s character this season. I don’t know if it’s an acting choice, script that delegated Sam to the background or just Jared being fed up but Sam had been lacking his spark this season, he’s my favourite character and yet I am thoroughly BORED with him.
I loved, nay, I CHEERED when Sam didn’t just forgive Dean for violating him, that he put his foot down, demanded respect, not because I wanted to see him angry, but because he was assertive - he clearly stated what upset him, what he wanted and what he expected from Dean. (I’m going to ignore the fact that Dean didn’t listen, that’s not what it is about). That was the one and only moment this season that I felt they might be going somewhere with his character. However, since then, Sam’s been written more and more apathetic - pathetic, even - but I waited. I waited, with bated breath, for the show to show me why it’s happening. Depression? Suicidal thoughts (again)? Just an overall resignation brought by years upon years of systematic abuse? We all know Sam’s history - the very long history of possession, violence against his autonomy, people and creatures wanting to control him and his actions - and I was waiting for a pay off to this storyline, I was waiting to see the damage done and how Sam is dealing with it. But time after time I was denied it. Gadreel killing Kevin was about Dean being betrayed by him. Cas and Kevin forgave Dean without needing a second to think about it. The spa episode didn’t bring the expected revelation about ones self-worth. The confrontation between Sam and Gadreel never materialised, as it was cut short and once again steered in the direction of Dean feeling betrayed, without highlighting the fact that Dean had a hand in violating Sam.
Then, in the last episode, Sam, said that Gadreel felt misunderstood and that was exactly the moment I realised that the pay off isn’t coming, that this story is and always was that of Dean being betrayed, not that of Sam being violated. And it definitely, not for a second, was about “addressing the codependency”. This episode only confirmed it. When I realised that Sam was willing to forgive Gadreel on spot I didn’t feel gratitude that Sam is a forgiver, I felt betrayal.
Because Sam isn’t upset over Gadreel being there, he’s not scared, he’s not annoyed, he accepts his apology on the spot. Which means he really isn’t all that traumatised. Which means that this whole conflict is pointless, because Dean never “crossed the line”, he just did a stupid/shitty thing in the very long line of stupid/shitty things The Winchesters do. And that he refused to apologise? Well, welcome to Assholeville, population: Dean Winchester. He’s always been the mayor of the city, no big deal. Instead of being “assertive” and “putting his foot down” Sam should have just told him to suck it, sulk for a week, then stuff should be resolved and back to normal. I mean, Sam is not Dean, he’s not the one to hold grudges for a year.
As for Dean, he doesn’t need to grow, he has nothing to grow into, he’s the protagonist, he’s got a bigger fanbase, his mistakes are either inconsequential in the scheme of things or forgotten. The emotional pay off for what happened to Sam is not coming and I don’t think it was ever suppose to come, Sam was nothing more than a tool to get the season started and nothing more. The conflict might be resolved in Dean admitting he made a mistake and apologising but it will be equally flat and hollow as Dean’s non-apology for killing Amy (remember how that was resolved? I do. It sucked).
Samstag, 3. Mai 2014
(It's My) Blood - Safiyabat - Superntural
This is a Fan-Fic from Safiyabat!
(S9 / E19 Alex Annie Alexis Ann)
It's lovely written, therefor I had to share it...
Notes:
- For agelade.
This was written in response to both Agelade's tumblr prompt seeking fics that addressed the tremendous amount of blood that Sam lost in that episode (approx. 2 liters, or 1/3 of his total blood volume!) and in response to the Bitter Sam!Girls Club May Fanwork Challenge, with the theme of Sam and Blood.
Sam eyed the jars of blood – his blood – on
the ground. Well, there were jars, and there was the bucket. He hadn’t
fought. He hadn’t fought them while they duct taped him to the chair and
he hadn’t fought them while they stuck the tubing into his arm. What
would be the point, really? As long as Dean was unconscious there wasn’t
really a whole lot he could do. What was he going to do, clobber the
vampires with Dean’s slumbering body? Stash him in the back of the
Impala and hope that the nest was no larger than they’d already seen?
Yeah, that was a plan. So he’d let the fangs restrain him to the chair
and he’d resisted them the only way he could: by silence.
The stubbly one who had restrained him wanted to know which one of them had killed his brother. If Sam had told him the truth he’d probably have killed Dean, and they couldn’t have that. If Sam had lied and said it had been him, the guy would probably still have killed Dean – a brother for a brother he’d said, and they’d have been back to things that were not okay. So he gritted his teeth and he sat there and he let the blood flow out of him, into the jars with its sulfuric taint.
He wasn’t sure what he’d expected from this whole experience, or what he wanted. He didn’t expect Dean to stay in a crumpled heap for ten to fifteen minutes, that much was certain. Why that was such a surprise he didn’t really know – he’d taken quite the blow to the head - but wasn’t the Mark of Cain supposed to have some kind of effect on its bearer? Some kind of mitigating effect on injuries or something? Or was that something else? He’d started getting confused about seven minutes in so maybe he was just getting things mixed up. He had an excuse – he was slowly bleeding to death.
He knew he was supposed to stay calm. Getting agitated or angry or panicky would increase his heart rate and make him bleed out faster. Which was a bad thing. It wasn’t what anyone wanted. Right. Had to remember that. Someone somewhere needed him for… something… or something. His brain was really getting fuzzy. He needed to fight that, he might need his brain smooth at some point. Jody – that was who might need him. What use he was going to be to her was anyone’s guess but he couldn’t let himself give into the temptation of the darkness until he knew she was safe.
He flexed his hand, made a fist, relaxed it again. He repeated the process a few more times. He hadn’t heard more than a few cries from the basement, and even those hadn’t come in a while. Maybe Jody didn’t need saving anymore.
He could recognize the symptoms of hypovolemic shock in himself of course. He’d worked up a fine sweat for not having moved a muscle in – oh, ten minutes now? And there was only one rational explanation for being this cold and sweating this much – well, only one rational explanation that included the length of surgical tubing sticking out of his damn arm. He was struggling to maintain his composure but there was only so much he could do about the respiratory reaction – it was like he just couldn’t get the air into his lungs fast enough. And then there was the fog in his brain, such a welcome returning guest after Gadreel’s eviction.
He knew – on some level – that he’d come in here with Dean and Jody to deal with a vampire nest and (hopefully) rescue a blood slave. At the same time he was bound and was being bled, and he’d been here before hadn’t he? Only then it was ghouls. Or was it? Was it ghouls this time? A finger being stuck into his blood to sample the wares – was it his half-brother’s face licking a finger or a different pale face with blue eyes? There was no commentary about how his blood tasted different but he couldn’t miss the way that the monster’s eyes lit up. Because his blood, it was different and they always liked his blood, like the little piece of Hell that he carried around with him was the perfect seasoning that made everything better. Like cumin, only better. It didn’t matter. Let them eat him, he didn’t care. Adam wasn’t Adam. Wait – wrong place, wrong time. Screw it.
“Tapped this keg,” the vampire with the hat like Bobby’s declared, and that actually gave Sam a pang. He missed Bobby, even if Bobby hated him now for disappointing Dean. He’d gotten the old man out of Hell, so that was a good thing right? It didn’t matter. “Get the short-haired one ready. Time to finish this.”
The other vampire gave Dean a kick right around the kidneys and Sam was still with it enough to flinch at that. How could he not? He’d done what he could for Dean but it hadn’t been enough. It never was. He made another fist, held it for a few seconds and relaxed it. The second vampire grabbed Dean’s hair and lifted his head and now Dean sprang into action. He apparently had been hiding a syringe full of dead man’s blood somewhere in his fist the entire time – Sam hadn’t even seen him move. He buried it into the vampire’s heart and emptied the entire thing into the monster’s heart, grabbed a machete from the floor and faced off against the vampire who’d put the tube into Sam’s arm.
The vampire didn’t fight back much – he’d been surprised and there wasn’t much he could do in the face of Dean’s onslaught. Wasn’t much he could do – there was a lot of that going around today. Sam had a hard time focusing as his brother forced the ghoul – vampire – whatever up into the wall. “Look at me!” Dean yelled at the creature. “Look at me, bitch!”
Well that had Sam’s attention, cut through the haze of blood loss and depression. He couldn’t see the look on Dean’s face but that tone, that rage as he pressed – wait, Sam had to be still confused. Was that the blunt end of the blade? Was Dean seriously wasting time with the blunt end of the knife while Jody was being subjected to God-or-whoever knew what in the basement? “Dean!” he called. “Dean!” He didn’t feel confused – in fact the clarity was refreshing, like walking into air conditioning on a brutal Texas summer day – but he couldn’t have just seen Dean wasting minutes of Jody’s life to toy with his prey like some kind of giant freckled housecat. Unfortunately with the return of mental clarity came an increase in anxiety, which threw his careful control over his reactions out the window.
Dean waited for a good thirty seconds before turning around. “Yeah, yeah. I know. You wouldn’t have done the same for me.”
Sam blinked. Was he seriously going to have a pity party for himself at a time like this? Jody was in the basement and a third of Sam’s blood, at least, was steaming in improvised containers in front of them. “No. Jody,” he panted, hoping to get through to the older hunter.
Dean cut through the duct tape holding him to the chair, yanked the tubing out of his arm and hauled him to his feet. Together they sought out Jody.
Sam managed to keep his footing as they raced to the basement. People liked to forget that he’d been the one whose willpower had taken out Lucifer; he could make himself put one foot in front of the other, even if he had no idea where fully half of the footfalls were going. He should have expected something along the lines of what they found there – Jody, badass that she was, had managed to behead the mama vampire although she’d apparently taken quite the pounding and been unable to keep Alex or Annie or whatever the blood slave’s name was from getting turned too. He sagged against the back wall of the basement as the necessary discussions were had and tried to put pressure on the wound on his arm. Eventually his jacket and shirts would stick to it and make a bandage on their own, right? Probably? Did it matter?
He could get through this. It was just a few bruises and a little blood loss. He’d be fine. Outside as they took their leave he forced himself to concentrate, making himself try to talk to Dean about his actions inside. He didn’t actually care about Dean’s choice to screw around with the blunt edge of the knife while he was bleeding, because frankly he just didn’t want to get into his own mindset with Dean and he didn’t want to have to face the fact that Dean didn’t want to hear about his mindset. But the whole demanding that the monster look him in the eye as he died thing – that was a little disturbing, and he had to talk to Dean about it.
It got about the same reaction that he’d have expected from Dean, but at least he’d said something. Maybe his words would sink in during a moment of reflection in the shower or something; he’d been doing that a lot lately. Or not. He’d fulfilled his obligations.
Jody and Alex made their way to their vehicle. Sam dragged himself to the Impala, no longer bothering to struggle for mental clarity. Why bother? A little nap should fix him up, right? He smothered a snicker. He was still bleeding; he’d seen Alex staring at him. Whatever. He didn’t care. Maybe he’d finish bleeding out in the car. If he hadn’t bled out with the ghouls he probably wouldn’t die now, right?
Only he was with the ghouls. Maybe. And maybe he still had a cause to serve. Maybe he could still actually save something, if not himself. Screw it. He opened the door to the Impala and fell, face-first, into the passenger seat.
When he woke up he was in an ER bay with an IV port sticking out of his hand. The port seemed to be attached to a couple of bags, one containing fluids and the other blood. A nurse, whose mauve scrubs did nothing for her ruddy complexion, approached. “Nice to see you with us, Mr. Wesson!” she commented. “It was kind of touch and go for a little while.”
He blinked and tried to force himself into a sitting position. “Really? I thought I was okay.” His mind seemed a lot clearer now, which had to be the greatest relief of all.
“No. Those sickos took an awful lot of your blood. You came very close to dying and you were still bleeding when you were brought in. Fortunately Sheriff Mills was able to tell us what those criminals did to you.” She shook her head. “Dr. Andrews will be in shortly. She’ll explain what you can expect moving forward. You’re still pretty shocky.”
“Is my brother okay?” he asked. “I don’t see him. What about Jody Mills?” He didn’t ask about Alex – he didn’t think that having the new vampire in an ER was necessarily the best plan and while Dean might not be thinking at his clearest right now Jody wouldn’t do that to the girl.
“Sheriff Mills is doing just fine. We were able to get a brace on her knee and she’s even going to be able to drive back to South Dakota. Not that I’d recommend that but she didn’t get to where she is by letting little things like bum knees slow her down.” Dr. Andrews proved to be a tall, dark-skinned woman with close-cropped hair and a thousand-watt smile. “She said she had an important job waiting for her and she couldn’t put it off.”
“Sounds about right.” He tried to smile a little, faking it for the benefit of the civilian. “What about Dean?”
“That the guy who brought you in? I had no idea that you were brothers. You don’t exactly look alike. He took off. He said he’d be back tomorrow and to call him if there were any changes in your condition.”
He sighed. “Yeah. I guess we’ve hit a bit of a rough patch. How pissed was he?” He swallowed his disappointment.
“He could have been happier about spending an extra night in town but he’ll get over it.”
Sam sat bolt upright. He promptly regretted it. “Oh – listen. I can’t do that. We need to – no, I’m sorry. I can’t stay overnight.”
“Sam, listen. No one wants to stay overnight in the ER but you lost an immense amount of blood. Hypovolemia isn’t something to mess around with. You lost more than a third of your total blood volume. That has a marked effect on your entire body. I’m concerned for your heart, I’m concerned for your lungs and I’m very concerned for your kidneys. Your urinary output is very low, Sam.”
“Look, doctor, I get that you’re worried but I’ve had worse.”
“Just because you’ve recovered in the past doesn’t mean that you’ll recover fully without treatment this time. Besides, no one is coming to get you until tomorrow morning anyway. So you might as well enjoy the night off. Sit back. Relax. You’ve got a television you don’t have to share and someone who will cheerfully bring you all the clear broth you can drink. All right? Get some rest and enjoy a comfortable bed.” She handed him the remote and pulled the blankets up over his shoulders as he sank back down onto the pillow. “Look. I know you’re driven to do whatever it is that had you consulting with Sheriff Mills, I get it, and you want to get back to work, but that’s why your partner – brother – whatever – left in the first place.”
He felt his face screwing up of its own accord. “I… what?”
“Once I explained the risks of not keeping you overnight he was willing enough to have you spend the night for observation. He didn’t think you’d be very keen on the idea though. So he decided that he’d take the car and park it somewhere else while you were here. Took your clothes too. Said it wouldn’t necessarily stop you from breaking out of here but that you’d think twice about doing it with your… well, in a johnny.” Her cheeks glowed when she blushed. “He also asked me to point out that there’s a Doctor Who marathon on channel 342.” She gave him a reassuring smile and walked away.
Sam was alone again, a stranger’s blood dripping into his veins along with generic fluids of unknown origin. Outside the curtains he could hear the sounds of human tragedy and pain, but he was left alone. There had been a time when Dean would never have left him here, but that was a long time ago and he wasn’t sure if Dean the way he was now would really be safe in a place like this. He’d taken the choice away from Sam again, too, and he didn’t like that one bit. But he did need the blood if he wasn’t going to bleed out or be a liability to Dean on his Hell-bent mission for Crowley. And the bed was a lot more comfortable than the front seat of the Impala – they’d even found a bed suitable for tall people. He clicked on the television. The Doctor had just met Martha Jones, Sam’s favorite companion. He’d take what he could get.
The stubbly one who had restrained him wanted to know which one of them had killed his brother. If Sam had told him the truth he’d probably have killed Dean, and they couldn’t have that. If Sam had lied and said it had been him, the guy would probably still have killed Dean – a brother for a brother he’d said, and they’d have been back to things that were not okay. So he gritted his teeth and he sat there and he let the blood flow out of him, into the jars with its sulfuric taint.
He wasn’t sure what he’d expected from this whole experience, or what he wanted. He didn’t expect Dean to stay in a crumpled heap for ten to fifteen minutes, that much was certain. Why that was such a surprise he didn’t really know – he’d taken quite the blow to the head - but wasn’t the Mark of Cain supposed to have some kind of effect on its bearer? Some kind of mitigating effect on injuries or something? Or was that something else? He’d started getting confused about seven minutes in so maybe he was just getting things mixed up. He had an excuse – he was slowly bleeding to death.
He knew he was supposed to stay calm. Getting agitated or angry or panicky would increase his heart rate and make him bleed out faster. Which was a bad thing. It wasn’t what anyone wanted. Right. Had to remember that. Someone somewhere needed him for… something… or something. His brain was really getting fuzzy. He needed to fight that, he might need his brain smooth at some point. Jody – that was who might need him. What use he was going to be to her was anyone’s guess but he couldn’t let himself give into the temptation of the darkness until he knew she was safe.
He flexed his hand, made a fist, relaxed it again. He repeated the process a few more times. He hadn’t heard more than a few cries from the basement, and even those hadn’t come in a while. Maybe Jody didn’t need saving anymore.
He could recognize the symptoms of hypovolemic shock in himself of course. He’d worked up a fine sweat for not having moved a muscle in – oh, ten minutes now? And there was only one rational explanation for being this cold and sweating this much – well, only one rational explanation that included the length of surgical tubing sticking out of his damn arm. He was struggling to maintain his composure but there was only so much he could do about the respiratory reaction – it was like he just couldn’t get the air into his lungs fast enough. And then there was the fog in his brain, such a welcome returning guest after Gadreel’s eviction.
He knew – on some level – that he’d come in here with Dean and Jody to deal with a vampire nest and (hopefully) rescue a blood slave. At the same time he was bound and was being bled, and he’d been here before hadn’t he? Only then it was ghouls. Or was it? Was it ghouls this time? A finger being stuck into his blood to sample the wares – was it his half-brother’s face licking a finger or a different pale face with blue eyes? There was no commentary about how his blood tasted different but he couldn’t miss the way that the monster’s eyes lit up. Because his blood, it was different and they always liked his blood, like the little piece of Hell that he carried around with him was the perfect seasoning that made everything better. Like cumin, only better. It didn’t matter. Let them eat him, he didn’t care. Adam wasn’t Adam. Wait – wrong place, wrong time. Screw it.
“Tapped this keg,” the vampire with the hat like Bobby’s declared, and that actually gave Sam a pang. He missed Bobby, even if Bobby hated him now for disappointing Dean. He’d gotten the old man out of Hell, so that was a good thing right? It didn’t matter. “Get the short-haired one ready. Time to finish this.”
The other vampire gave Dean a kick right around the kidneys and Sam was still with it enough to flinch at that. How could he not? He’d done what he could for Dean but it hadn’t been enough. It never was. He made another fist, held it for a few seconds and relaxed it. The second vampire grabbed Dean’s hair and lifted his head and now Dean sprang into action. He apparently had been hiding a syringe full of dead man’s blood somewhere in his fist the entire time – Sam hadn’t even seen him move. He buried it into the vampire’s heart and emptied the entire thing into the monster’s heart, grabbed a machete from the floor and faced off against the vampire who’d put the tube into Sam’s arm.
The vampire didn’t fight back much – he’d been surprised and there wasn’t much he could do in the face of Dean’s onslaught. Wasn’t much he could do – there was a lot of that going around today. Sam had a hard time focusing as his brother forced the ghoul – vampire – whatever up into the wall. “Look at me!” Dean yelled at the creature. “Look at me, bitch!”
Well that had Sam’s attention, cut through the haze of blood loss and depression. He couldn’t see the look on Dean’s face but that tone, that rage as he pressed – wait, Sam had to be still confused. Was that the blunt end of the blade? Was Dean seriously wasting time with the blunt end of the knife while Jody was being subjected to God-or-whoever knew what in the basement? “Dean!” he called. “Dean!” He didn’t feel confused – in fact the clarity was refreshing, like walking into air conditioning on a brutal Texas summer day – but he couldn’t have just seen Dean wasting minutes of Jody’s life to toy with his prey like some kind of giant freckled housecat. Unfortunately with the return of mental clarity came an increase in anxiety, which threw his careful control over his reactions out the window.
Dean waited for a good thirty seconds before turning around. “Yeah, yeah. I know. You wouldn’t have done the same for me.”
Sam blinked. Was he seriously going to have a pity party for himself at a time like this? Jody was in the basement and a third of Sam’s blood, at least, was steaming in improvised containers in front of them. “No. Jody,” he panted, hoping to get through to the older hunter.
Dean cut through the duct tape holding him to the chair, yanked the tubing out of his arm and hauled him to his feet. Together they sought out Jody.
Sam managed to keep his footing as they raced to the basement. People liked to forget that he’d been the one whose willpower had taken out Lucifer; he could make himself put one foot in front of the other, even if he had no idea where fully half of the footfalls were going. He should have expected something along the lines of what they found there – Jody, badass that she was, had managed to behead the mama vampire although she’d apparently taken quite the pounding and been unable to keep Alex or Annie or whatever the blood slave’s name was from getting turned too. He sagged against the back wall of the basement as the necessary discussions were had and tried to put pressure on the wound on his arm. Eventually his jacket and shirts would stick to it and make a bandage on their own, right? Probably? Did it matter?
He could get through this. It was just a few bruises and a little blood loss. He’d be fine. Outside as they took their leave he forced himself to concentrate, making himself try to talk to Dean about his actions inside. He didn’t actually care about Dean’s choice to screw around with the blunt edge of the knife while he was bleeding, because frankly he just didn’t want to get into his own mindset with Dean and he didn’t want to have to face the fact that Dean didn’t want to hear about his mindset. But the whole demanding that the monster look him in the eye as he died thing – that was a little disturbing, and he had to talk to Dean about it.
It got about the same reaction that he’d have expected from Dean, but at least he’d said something. Maybe his words would sink in during a moment of reflection in the shower or something; he’d been doing that a lot lately. Or not. He’d fulfilled his obligations.
Jody and Alex made their way to their vehicle. Sam dragged himself to the Impala, no longer bothering to struggle for mental clarity. Why bother? A little nap should fix him up, right? He smothered a snicker. He was still bleeding; he’d seen Alex staring at him. Whatever. He didn’t care. Maybe he’d finish bleeding out in the car. If he hadn’t bled out with the ghouls he probably wouldn’t die now, right?
Only he was with the ghouls. Maybe. And maybe he still had a cause to serve. Maybe he could still actually save something, if not himself. Screw it. He opened the door to the Impala and fell, face-first, into the passenger seat.
When he woke up he was in an ER bay with an IV port sticking out of his hand. The port seemed to be attached to a couple of bags, one containing fluids and the other blood. A nurse, whose mauve scrubs did nothing for her ruddy complexion, approached. “Nice to see you with us, Mr. Wesson!” she commented. “It was kind of touch and go for a little while.”
He blinked and tried to force himself into a sitting position. “Really? I thought I was okay.” His mind seemed a lot clearer now, which had to be the greatest relief of all.
“No. Those sickos took an awful lot of your blood. You came very close to dying and you were still bleeding when you were brought in. Fortunately Sheriff Mills was able to tell us what those criminals did to you.” She shook her head. “Dr. Andrews will be in shortly. She’ll explain what you can expect moving forward. You’re still pretty shocky.”
“Is my brother okay?” he asked. “I don’t see him. What about Jody Mills?” He didn’t ask about Alex – he didn’t think that having the new vampire in an ER was necessarily the best plan and while Dean might not be thinking at his clearest right now Jody wouldn’t do that to the girl.
“Sheriff Mills is doing just fine. We were able to get a brace on her knee and she’s even going to be able to drive back to South Dakota. Not that I’d recommend that but she didn’t get to where she is by letting little things like bum knees slow her down.” Dr. Andrews proved to be a tall, dark-skinned woman with close-cropped hair and a thousand-watt smile. “She said she had an important job waiting for her and she couldn’t put it off.”
“Sounds about right.” He tried to smile a little, faking it for the benefit of the civilian. “What about Dean?”
“That the guy who brought you in? I had no idea that you were brothers. You don’t exactly look alike. He took off. He said he’d be back tomorrow and to call him if there were any changes in your condition.”
He sighed. “Yeah. I guess we’ve hit a bit of a rough patch. How pissed was he?” He swallowed his disappointment.
“He could have been happier about spending an extra night in town but he’ll get over it.”
Sam sat bolt upright. He promptly regretted it. “Oh – listen. I can’t do that. We need to – no, I’m sorry. I can’t stay overnight.”
“Sam, listen. No one wants to stay overnight in the ER but you lost an immense amount of blood. Hypovolemia isn’t something to mess around with. You lost more than a third of your total blood volume. That has a marked effect on your entire body. I’m concerned for your heart, I’m concerned for your lungs and I’m very concerned for your kidneys. Your urinary output is very low, Sam.”
“Look, doctor, I get that you’re worried but I’ve had worse.”
“Just because you’ve recovered in the past doesn’t mean that you’ll recover fully without treatment this time. Besides, no one is coming to get you until tomorrow morning anyway. So you might as well enjoy the night off. Sit back. Relax. You’ve got a television you don’t have to share and someone who will cheerfully bring you all the clear broth you can drink. All right? Get some rest and enjoy a comfortable bed.” She handed him the remote and pulled the blankets up over his shoulders as he sank back down onto the pillow. “Look. I know you’re driven to do whatever it is that had you consulting with Sheriff Mills, I get it, and you want to get back to work, but that’s why your partner – brother – whatever – left in the first place.”
He felt his face screwing up of its own accord. “I… what?”
“Once I explained the risks of not keeping you overnight he was willing enough to have you spend the night for observation. He didn’t think you’d be very keen on the idea though. So he decided that he’d take the car and park it somewhere else while you were here. Took your clothes too. Said it wouldn’t necessarily stop you from breaking out of here but that you’d think twice about doing it with your… well, in a johnny.” Her cheeks glowed when she blushed. “He also asked me to point out that there’s a Doctor Who marathon on channel 342.” She gave him a reassuring smile and walked away.
Sam was alone again, a stranger’s blood dripping into his veins along with generic fluids of unknown origin. Outside the curtains he could hear the sounds of human tragedy and pain, but he was left alone. There had been a time when Dean would never have left him here, but that was a long time ago and he wasn’t sure if Dean the way he was now would really be safe in a place like this. He’d taken the choice away from Sam again, too, and he didn’t like that one bit. But he did need the blood if he wasn’t going to bleed out or be a liability to Dean on his Hell-bent mission for Crowley. And the bed was a lot more comfortable than the front seat of the Impala – they’d even found a bed suitable for tall people. He clicked on the television. The Doctor had just met Martha Jones, Sam’s favorite companion. He’d take what he could get.
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